I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize