I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
