Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
