Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
