So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
