oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
