We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
