Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
