she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She's the barista slut.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
