I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
