I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
