are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
