I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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