I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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