In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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