True but thats because hes a fetus.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
