What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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