I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
