so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
