OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
