Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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