We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
