i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
