You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
