Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
