So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
