Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
