I heard we made out
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
