why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
A bitchslap is in order.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
