There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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