I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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