I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
