Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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