I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
