Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
