I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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