TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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