I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
