dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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