I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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