saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize