There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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