did you get engaged???
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
