They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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