I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
