Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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