Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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