I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
