im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
