I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
